Saturday, November 29, 2008

Transporter 3---Kill the Girl, Save the Movie

The first Transporter was great, it demanded a second.
The second was completely awful. I kept expecting the Spy Kids to show up and fly Jason Statham out of that terrible film. I did enjoy that bit with the fire-hose though.
In Transporter 3, Jason Statham reminds everyone who kicks the most butt.
He doesn't use a fire-hose (disappointed me) to beat the dickens out of all the bad guys in this one. Instead Statham just uses his fists and his suit jacket.
He punches like some kind of a machine.

"You must be the smart one."
"No. I'm the big one."

The film does like to pretend that Frank Martin (Jason Statham) and his car are both indestructible, but not in such a distractingly idiotic way as in Transporter 2. I don't wanna say too much, but Frank does get smashed through a cinderblock wall like it's nothing, then continues to fight as if he's just had a minute in the corner with Paulie Pennino (That's Rocky's manager/corner man in case you're like, "Who the f-word is Paulie Pennino?")

Now the girl.
The mandatory hotty.
Natalya Rudakova plays Valentina, the annoying annoying mysterious but still annoying hotty in this action flick.
Like some kind of Ukrainian lingerie-modeling Jar-Jar-Binks-type slut.
Honestly, I kept comparing her to Jar-Jar.
I was wishing someone would either shoot her or toss her out of the car while it passed over a bridge spanning a dried-up river bed.

"Meesa ho-bag! Meesa want roast duck with pepper and frozen wine and--"
"Shoulda fastened your seat-belt like I told you."

It was good to see Jeroen Krabbe (Dr. Charles Nicols from The Fugitive) back in an American film. I mean, he was in Ocean's Twelve, but does that count?

Aside from Jar-Jar, my only complaint would be about the fight choreography. Jason Statham was looking better and badder than ever, but there wasn't as much creativism. The film didn't set any new bars or even meet previous ones. The fight scenes were generic and unoriginal.

Loved it though. I'll just pretend the second movie never happened. Even if the fight scenes in the second were awesome.

Transporter 3.
Check it out.


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